being "suck in the middle" yup. it sucks, its like wtf do you except me to do right now...oooo and especially when Im not at all to do with the situation, kind of specifically then.
ok actual placces...being lost
physically
emotionally
mentally
in a conversation
intellcetually...
sleepily (...)
Omg I remember now, the worst place to be ever!!! is on the greyhound bus between San Bernardino and my hometown(though I'm sure it gets waaay sketchier as Vegas gets closer) I went on it, actually from fullerton during spring break after I visited my BFF who goes there. It was just so horrible and depressing even though nothing actually happened to me(physically that is, emotionally it definitely did). the smell, combined with the torential downpour and crazy winds that shook the bus, my ipod was dead so i ended up pretending to listen(so no one would bother me) to probably 4, meth addicts(they said so out loud and everything) talk about their lives. One lady in particular was just so pathetic it was heartbreaking. I had never felt anything like that, I just wanted out. When i finally got to my stop, whiched ended up being over an hour longer because of weather conditions. I got to the car. got in, looked at my mom said, dont worry theres nothing wrong, but can I just cry? and I did, as I am now recounting it. it was really a put yourself in check experience. Im just so grateful to have people who love me enough that they would never allow me to get so low or be so unloved.
hmm, thats an interesting question with really no real answer on my part, it really depends on who I'm with, how much stuff I have to do/worrying about. I love cities, exploring, going to museums and galleries and getting the feel of the place, esp ones with good public transit San Francisco, London, Paris have been my favorites I've been to so far the latter two have sooo much culture and architecture and charm and on and on. San Francisco has an amazing vibe, i love BART and exploring the different neighborhoods(my sister went to school/lived their for 5 years so i've been a fair amount of time. Theres also this park up on California that my sister and I would just go and swing, I like swings...
I think my favorite alternate persona today was Andrew's animal rights activist. I like that he had the balls to stand in front of a store and be so outspoken especially as it isn't a cause he's for. The best part was going to the meat aisle and displaying his sign until he got kicked out, nice Andrew, niiiice. I'm not going to name names for my least favorite critique I'm just going to make a point. because i didn't know while there were actual good presentations I thought that the point of the assignment was to do something where you actually learned something not just play dress up. Though I also may have taken a too serious take on the assignment but all I know is I learned...a lot. I wanted to pay justice to real life victims so I researched as much as I could. Yes I didn't do showy "look at me" things but with my personal it would have been far too inappropriate. I'm not at all saying everyone should have been super serious, but I think there should have been at least a learning experience from each. There. I've ranted. But finishing up I really actually did think the majority of the overall projects were well thought out.
Name: Jenny, Age: 23 - In third year of recovery from left hemisphere stroke
My Experience:
Initial Diagnosis and Symptoms
a stroke of the left hemisphere of the brain which controls motor function and affected the right side of my body. It was caused from an infection that spread to my heart after having a root canal 3 years ago.
“hemiplegia” which is complete paralysis of the right side of the body.
short-term memory loss, and asphasia with the symptoms of trouble saying words and remembering numbers, telling time and knowing left from right.
Therapy since and Present Symptoms
Legs: My first priority was learning how to walk again by teaching my brain to use my leg muscles, I went from wheelchair bound, to walking crutches, to full leg braces(yes like Forrest Gump) to where I am now with low-key ankle braces which help me keep my balance and help prevent foot spazams.
Arm: has not been as successful. I have numbness my fingers and minimal movement and some feeling in my shoulder which basically means I can shrug. I can move my arm with my left and hold small things (about a pound or 2) against my chest, it’s basically like a tool that I opporate with my left hand. The doctors say I have approximately 5% use of my arm and hope that with continued therapy I might reach up to 25% in my lifetime
Motor Skills and effects: my verbal skills are much improved(My speech now waivers between relatively normal and kind of like I can’t hear myself which happens when it becomes hard for me to swallow.) I still have some problems with word reqcognition and math in general, I have about the same amount of cognitive disability as someone with moderate dixlexia. I also often have trouble focusing and confusion occurs when short term memory loss occurs.
Name: Jenny Age:19 - trying to gain perspective
My Experience:
Why I chose this “persona”
It is a very real threat that can happen to anyone.
It is a change in one’s persona and way of life that can’t be taken off.
I wanted to try to gain some perspective of someone I’ve known my entire life but have always been afraid to ask (my cousin’s husband, Mike who had a stroke at the age of 23 and had/has the same symptoms only his has taken 20 years of therapy to get to where he is.
Where I Got My Research:
From my cousin Mike, a stroke victim himself, he explained basically everything from point A to B about his experience
My mother and my cousin(Mike's wife): their memories from his event
Internet research of the types, causes, symptoms, long and short term effects of strokes
Videos documenting stroke rehabilitation
How I “became” someone living with the effects of a Stroke
I used a mixture of tape and ace-wrap on my hand and wrist Friday and Saturday to achieve the stiff hand and fingers. On Sunday I switched to a wrist cuff covered by a fingerless glove.
I also made a “brace" for my leg which made it difficult to bend my ankle
I also made use of my knee brace that I use for my opposite leg to make walking even more constricted (Note: I did not use this element on my second day as the added stress on my left leg ending up causing a lot of pain for my other leg.)
I also ate about 30 halls cough drops each day to make it more difficult to talk in my normal voice.
I placed a weight around my left ankle to create unbalance (because muscle becomes uneven when paralysis occurs)
I tied string to my arm and attached it around my waist so I was unable to raise my arm more than approximately 30 degree without the assistance of my left arm.
Challenges/Adjustments
Annoyances:
Showering - not so fun anymore and I seem to always wash one side of my head more extensively than the other
Tying shoes, the first show isn’t a huge problem because you can use your feet, the second...teeth were involved
Wallets/dealing with money: I only bought one thing during my 48 hours but the cashier was obviously annoyed
Turning book pages
Simply a pain in the ass:
Typing on the computer
Opening jars
Sweeping
Washing dishes
texting
buttoning pants
Finding the opening of those produce bags as the grocery store
Doing anything at a grocery store
Knives
Things I could not figure out:
Ponytails.
Bras.
Can Openers.
ponytail!
Physical/Emotional Reactions:
Emotional
The "is it offessive?" question: I had a lot of trouble with this one myself and almost didn't do it because of it I had a number of serious talks with my mom but when I finally bucked up the courage to call my cousin and ask and he gave me his permission I was ok...
until the night of my first day when I called my mom sobbing about how unfair life is to some people...
Physical
After the 48 hours were up, it felt extremely strange using my arm again
numbness in right hand: Which was actually my plan from the wrist brace I wore but I quickly learned that after about an hour my hand was purple so I would loosen brace and put my hand in a vertical position to make blood flow better. Aside from sleeping it was the only time I intentionally broke character
What I'v realized:
That I have had at some point in my life similar symptoms as to the one's I took on, but having them all together, for life, takes so much strength.
The amount of time that you have to give up is really shocking, I made dinner the first night, just pasta and vegetables, it normally takes me about 30 minutes but instead it literally took over 2 hours.
We can adjust, although it started with a lot of slip ups in the arm category, as the time went on I got used to it and even now I randomly feel guilty when I use my right arm.
If it would have been my non-dominant hand it would have been a whoooole different story, I can't even imagine, I was clumsy enough as it was with my dominant hand.
It really has humbled me. I'm really grateful for a body that works.
Reflect critically on the theme of alternate identity and personal space in an age of social networking profiles, digital environments, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc
Interesting topic, its very easy to be a different person on "social networking" sites, i think probably judge my facebook friends most on how they present their profile pictures.
There's the:
camera in the Mirror shot showing off their alluring allure.
the heavy make up and lots of hair and boobs/ lots of muscles for guys
theres the ones that are allllways group shots so if you are trying to find your long lost friend from elementry school, it makes things difficult
theres the modeled, photoshop effected ones
the looking away from the camera one
the ones that aren't pictures of even humans...like video game people and such
there are the ones that change theyre pictures multiple times each week
the look at me im somewhere cool/im well traveled ones
the bf/gf kissing ones, yup we get it, youre together...your relationship status/ you have told me so, dont have to show me your whole relationship though...
the look i have a red cup in my hand and im at a party, im awesome one
the pre-going out posed pictures
etc etc etc
i've been a victim of a number of these, its interesting though to think of the opinions people get of you in just seconds based on photos.
this is going to be the worst weekend/next week ever. seriously. and If i wasn't freaked out about my workload already I just made it a shit ton worse today. fuck.
ok ill give you a little taster of "dead" week for me (which i get why they call it that because I will literally be deceased by if not its end then by the following wednesday.
friday: arthistory meet up, Boxing, Duke 4pm. (do all that shit for next week)
saturday: art history reading/2pg assignment due (do all that shit for next week), polynesian dance performance at 7 for review and for my friend, need to have my slides prepared for
sunday (do all that shit for next week), read the fall of the house of usher a million times
monday: 7pg english research paper due at midnight
tuesday aka the day from hell, literally. personal space presentation, art history group project presentation, French Oral final(yay, speaking french is only the worst think I do in french, well that and understanding when people fluent in french test me in their super fast talk. and considering the due date for my essay the night before. My second passtime...yay...great timing.
wednesday: 2 english thesis statement paragraphs due on our reading, english paper peer review, english final review, french final review
thursday: help Darcy with her personal space project which I was thinking afterwards sucks because I don't get to see anyone's projects :( why did i switch that person why?, have to read my research paper out loud to my teacher and the smartest f-ing english students ever in honors section
friday: study ass off for french final
saturday: french final, while I simultaneously miss the french final (french open women's final)
I really enjoyed the alternated persona's today because of the diversity of the subject matter,
I think my favorite was Andrea's time as a fraternity brother. Even though it was a pretty standard idea I really liked her documentation of her experience and the dialogue she included with her fellow frat brothers. I liked that she learned a number of different games from the "brothers" and got some really good dialogue from life on the inside. She dressed the part, spoke the part and even learned the mighty ways of the game of volleyball(though I'm, sure if she weren't a girl they would not have helped her. I've been to many frat parties, with many of the same games that Andrea demonstrated, but I'm glad I got to see a frat from a different side(even if still a pretty skewed side) though I feel like I would be pro at that hammer game b/c I do similar things all the time with my tennis racket.
My least favorite would probably be either Katie's, Erika or Edwardo's; Katie's because it didn;t seem like she did much more than wear a vest, Erika's because it has basically been done before(and better) and Edwardo's because he didn't apply his persona to real life in his presentation. but really they were all very good. I can't wait to see the rest!
This past Sunday I went to the UCSB's theatre department's rendition of Hamlet which was directed by Irwin Appel and Starring Merlin(blahdyblah) as Hamlet While I have read Hamlet five times and seen around the same amount of film interpretations of it I have never seen a live performance and while it was obviously amateur, but it was still well don't and I enjoyed it quite a lot.
I thought Hamlet (Merlin bladyblah) did a very good job at conveying just the right balance of intrigue, madness with comedy, heart wrenching pain and somber intellect. I was also fond of Laretes performance which begins as humorous yet intelligent and honorable, and returns to the following the death of his family scenes' with a quest that seemed of justice more than revenge and in search of the truths that not even the audience or necessarily the characters themselves know, the "who's", "why's" and "if's" of the situation. (The Actor)'s Larete's is passionate and quick tempered but loving and loyal to the truth. (blah) as Ophelia does a fine job but I feel she didn't convey strongly enough that her affections for Hamlet were deep, she was a little too compliant for my liking although she stepped up her game in her scene of madness (although I feel it was at times a little too reminiscent of Kate Winslet's Ophelia in Branagh's Film adaptation). A few performances that, in my opinion, didn't quite come across as they should were Polonius, who I thought acted the roll too likable, in a way that didn't give enough light to the fact that he is extremely conniving and impervious to others' feelings, also Claudius and Gertrude disappointed for opposite reasons, I found Claudius to be a little like a pussy, like ooo I'm afraid of scary Hamlet and ooo I have so much remorse. Gertrude on the other hand was too callous, she never really conveyed the amount she actually loved Hamlet (and Hammy Sr.) I found it refreshing to see the roles of Horatio and Guildenstern portrayed as females and I thought it worked.
The set and props were about as minimalist as you can get with the stage and auditorium's aisle being the main source of movement in time and actions. With a transparent screen used as separation between rooms. The most interesting piece of set equipment was a "ladder" that I’ve only ever seen back stage, which made the final death scene and the dance of the players within the play very dramatic. Speaking of, the play with in the play was a very modern and well-done part in which black clothed individuals with gold masks sang and did a modern choreographed dance that was very eye-catching.
Costumes were done fairly well though some outfits did not belong to the same era in fashion but for the most part they we're late 19th century gothic inspired (cough, like Branch, which I don't mind I mean I think it's the perfect time for this play to be based, its definitely got gothic written all over it). One aspect I found peculiar was the music, which was an original score to the production but was really inconsistent and odd. All and all though the play was very well done, though I do feel like some of the character depth was lost because the actors didn't want to or just didn't commit themselves to the unappealing aspects of some of their characters.
I was not impressed with how I did on the final. I studied, I swear, an quite a lot I just had trouble remembering though in reality I'm a terrible test taker, my brain does a little freak out dane in my head and poof I can't remember or over think. Also although I do like noise in tests, having the section presentations at the same time made it really hard for me to think and pay attention to the test while wanting to see the . I also wish we would have had more time with the slides, looking at an image for only 15 seconds is tough. But oh well, I can't change anything now. I thought my name for Anne Noggle was interesting, I knew it was a short A first name and thatthe last name was odd and it had a G. Now that I'm going through my notes I realize that I'm missing a week of notes which I now faguly remember forgetting my art notebook one week, but not transferring the notes into my notebook. But again, oh well.
I definitely think our presentation got the best reaction, lots of people laughed. I liked the section that followed people around mimicking other people's actions. I do wish we did the non-art object into art object thing, but the group random item sales pitch was fun too.
Hi I'm Jenny, and I'm a returning student here at UCSB, well kind of new, I took 3 years off because back In 2011 I had a stroke that occured after I got an infection when I got my wisdom teeth out that spread to my heart. My stroke effected the left hemispere of my brain which effected the right side of my body, thankfully I'm left-handed so I didn't have to learn to write with a different handI have had A LOT of therapy since in which I have to undergo speech therapy, and extensive rehabilitation on the right side of my body more specifically my leg and my arm. After learning how to opporate the muscles in my right leg again I can now walk quite well, I still have a brace for my ankle stability and to prevent it from seizing up, I have a little bit of a limp but It's dealible. My arm on the other hand has not had as good of results. At this point in time I have mimimal feeling in my fingers and some in my shoulder, I call my arm more of a helping tool than an arm but my doctors are hoping that I will eventually get about 20-25% of my arm function back which is much better than the ~5% i have now. Life since my stroke has changed quite significantly, things are much slower than the once were (like typing, one hand definitely takes a lot longer. I think what I miss most about my old life is playing sports competively, I used to play tennis, i do somewhat now, i just miss serving, that was my best shot...
If I could be any artist I would be...umm Regine Chassagne frontwoman of Arcade Fire...sure we'll go with that because...
she has a really cool background, born in Haiti, lives in Montreal, speaks French
she's married to the band's frontman Win Butler, who I love love love, love
Arcade Fire is an A-MAZ-ING band (Album-wise my favs are Funeral then The Suburbs then Neon Bible)
She is successful and talented but not really "famous", you know she's rich and has won Grammys but could be any other person on the street and acts like it.
she actually went to college
she plays like every freaking instrument ever!
Well here are some of my favorite/ regine vocaled songs of Arcade Fire
Hmm supervillian thats a toughy I would be... Lando Calrissian for those like 5 minutes you don't like him in The Empire Strikes Back. heh heh heh thats a total cop-out route i know but I love Lando, he's freaking legit! Ok superhero superhero it'd probably be Magneto because he's really smart and still friends with Professor X... and is even said when Jean kills him :( poor Prof X and he's played my Sir Ian Mckellen (baller) and wears a super fancy helmet. But actually I might prefer to be Lando more than Obi (see previous post) because he is also way super b.a. and hes allowed to love and doesn't end up having a ton of baggage like frying his bff
If I could be any superhero i would beeee.... Ok to change up the prompt a little i'm going to say if i could be a people with super powers who would it be...and that would be, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Yup how cool would it be to be a witch with a super cute boyfriend who's totes down with the magic and even though you have to live with your Aunts because if you see your mortal mom she'll turn into a ball of wax, your aunts are super cool. and theres "the other realm" and you can mess with your arch enemy Libby (who was on bones this week!). Annnddddd your cat can talk to you and is super awesome...yep. sounds about right.
Now if we're just sticking to superheroes i'd be... ohh wait do Jedi's count as superheroes? because if they do I'd definitely be Obi Wan Kenobi for obvious reasons, because he's freaking b.a.
if not I'll go with Iron Man or something because he is f-ing rich and his identity isn't a secret.
I love peepholes, door peepholes that is, I love the fish eye effect it gives and taking pictures through them. Here are some cropped pictures (I like square pictures) of my door peephole.
Today's lecture on personal space and alternative identities was awesome
i liked knowing that Chris Burden did other artistic pieces other that have his friend shoot him
I'm realizing that i'm not so sure about Teching Hsieh, his pieces are difficult for him and i bet he learns a ton about himself but...I don't see why it needs to be publicized as he did it. art is still art even if people arent there...though I would just like to say i would hate being attached to someone for a year, I'm not really a sync kind of girl, i do things out of order.
Laurel Nakadate was interesting, im not sure if I like her, but I understand her, and thats allowed.
I thought our phone alarm flash mob got a moderate amount of attention but I think it would have been best if we all got up to answer the phone or something. I did hear some good reactions like: "why didn't anyone answer the phone?" and "am I missing something?" I think it would have been more effective if we did it again towards the end of lecture.
So I went home last weekend and when my dad and I went to play tennis we saw one of his new accuaitances and hit with him. After telling him I was an Art major he was like oh my goodness you have to come to my house, so my Dad and I went over and I got acquaited with the work of Donald "Putt" Putman, his uncle. Let me tell you he had A LOT of artwork, all by his uncle hanging in every room. "Putt" is well known for his Western paintings that often feature cowboys, rodeos and indians ass well as a collection of circus and clown themed paintings. When I heard cowboys and indians, I've got to say that I wasn't chomping at the bit but once I saw the 30 or so original pieces hanging around his house I was. It's not the subject matter that makes "Putt" a distinguished artist its his wonderful mastering of color in his work. In a way I wish I hadn't seen the originals if his work first because no computer image can compare to the beautiful color. I was at "Putt"'s nephew's house for about an hour during which he explained to me family details regarding each piece and tried to give me an original sketch, because they were just hanging out in the garage(!) I of course said no because, well because thats what you do especially when he told me that celebrities like Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood had bought his work! So cool, I've never had such a personal experience with someone's art and even though he's no longer around to tell the stories(he passed away in 2007) I think his nephew has carried on the tradition with ease. "Olvera Street Dancer"
"High Rider"
"Send in the Clowns" - I really wish the color translated better because the teal-tourquise of the elephants instantly became my favorite color, its so vibrant!
I like changing my mind, could you tell haha Final: stroke paralysis victin
I'm still a little bit up in the air of what I'm going to do for my project and I'm making the decision between being a Eng/Chem major and "having" OCD. I'm leaning towards the OCD one, but I just really don't want people with OCD to think that I'll be making fun of them, it would be for my own personal research and education more than anything. I already have anxiety disorder so the OCD identity will kind of be a more intensified off-shoot of my own personality. I would probably do something along the lines of being extremely ordered, because I am not on a regular basis. I would also make my apartment extremely ordered as well. I would probably use geological shapes a lot in my organization. Ok now that I've written this I'm pretty sure I've decided of the OCD one.
- One idea I had was being a sorority girl. I would never, ever be in a sorority. I get the draw, you get a ton of built in friends but I'm about as far from the typical "sorority girl" personality as you can get and also I just don't have all of that time at my disposal. Its not that I'm anti-sorority people, I have a lot of friends in greek life, I just couldn't. But doing the sorority thing as an alternative persona sounds interesting. I would adopt a "stereotypical" sorority girl persona and see how it goes.
- Another idea I had was becoming either a Engineering or Chemistry major. Those are tied as my absolute last majors I would ever have, I would rather not go to college than go to flunk out of those programs because my brain is built so differently than the people in those majors. I would attend classes and I would borrow study materials from friends in the major and I would have them assign me work and reading and see how I would fair.
- I was also thinking of doing something with the idea of OCD or other impulse disorders. I have a few friends with OCD and I would research the most common OCD symptoms and adopt a few for the project. I would have to think of a way to ensure that I remember, I would start my assimilation probably a week before where I would think about what I was doing and try to make it into more of a habit by the time I start officially.
Today's flash mobs were SO fun! I really loved today, most of all because we all finally bonded! I feel like I actually got to talk to people in the class and I really liked it.
Duck Duck Goose - This one definitely got the most attention and it was probably the most fun. The wet slanted grass wasn't exactly the best for running but I think it made it even more amusing.
UCen stand-off - I thought this one went pretty well as a whole though personally I didn't love my performance because I was kind of awkwardly stuck behind a tree and then I realized I died waaaay too early. I wish the people in the UCen would have reacted a little more, most people seemed pretty GDAF about it, which I guess is understandable.
Library Bridge - I think this one was my favorite, I really liked the tunnel I felt like it gave everyone who went through it a little boost for the day. I only wish there were more peopleusing the elevators at that time. Also I loved how awkward everyone in class was just lurking, pretending to be doing stuff. I also really liked who we left the library in style.
Ninjaaas - I definitely think this was the weakest. We didn't exactly know what we were doing and we drew a lot of attention to ourselves and then I think it went on long enough for us to feel awkward, at one point we were all kind of looking to each other, like ok when do we stop but I liked that the "victors" ran away after, it felt appropriate.
The Hub Stand-off - this was probably least successful in terms of reaction, there were simply too few people in the Hub (esp. in the downstairs where I was) and also as we had done it before it wasn't my favorite, though I did make sure I lived longer than the first time.
Today was great, and I was in a super great mood the rest of the day because of it. I suggest more in-class exploring the school seshs. :)
One idea I had for the personal space project was to do something extra home-y in a public bathroom, get ready. I would bring an assortment of clothes into a public restroom and change. I'd take over a stall and change clothes and shoes and accessories (like a normal day getting ready) I would use the mirror as if it were my own or possibly bring my own. I'd be interested to see what people's reactions would be
Another idea I had was to to vacuum randomly around campus. I'm fairly sure there are chords outside classes and buildings and I would basically, vacuum. Well of course I would also be listening to music and sing along to it as I clean. I would probably do it only between class times to avoid professors getting angry
Another thought was to bring one of my chairs(comfy couchy chair) to campus and sit and read/do homework/watch stuff on my computer. another direction I could go with this is to bring one of my table chairs plus table decor and my breakfast to campus. I would take over either a table in front of the Arbor, the Library or the UCen and just chill basically. I would probably also wear pajamas, though if i'm being true to how I normally do it I would be dressed already.
Tuesday afternoon I took an improptu trip to Burbank with three of my friends to see a Conan concert that featured Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
(note: I don't understand how but somehow 95% of this post got deleted, I will attempt to find it)
and The Late Shoe w/ Jimmy Fallon, he's killer...get it? the picture? hahaha yeah I have a french test tomorrow, I'm allowed to be a bit cray-zay. oh and 2 months till im 20(yuck 20)
waking up at 12:45, like I just did, on a a Tuesday or Thursday. I mean seriously, seriously. Who sleeps through the 10 (literally 10 because thats the max on my phone) alarms every morning? Aperson who goes to sleep an hour before they go off I guess. Last year I started going to sleep at a consistant 2am every night. My Grandma had just passed away prior to starting school and I was upset, not really because I hadn't accepted it but because I had been there when it happened. But 2am was manageable. Then after months of putting it off I finally got diagnosed with ADD in the spring, which was great, I mean I could consentrate, whats better than that? Well the problem there (i guess) was I got started on the extended release adderall, which actually didnt really extend the problem...until...October...when, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. That started what has been the most stressful time of my life thus far, trying to figure out if i should take time off, go home every weekend, etc. so instead of being a time of relief, sleep turned for me into the hours on end I could dwell on these issues. because thats what I do when I don't completely exhaust myself before bed, I dwell, not sleeping for hours and it really freaks me out because Im in this dream-like state but I'm conscious so its like my worse fears, it literally drives me crazy. So I wait and do redundant things to try to get myself tired, but it doesn't really work. Even listening to french lessons or books on tape don't work anymore because because of my adderall I actually listen and it doesn't turn into white noise. And it just sucks, it sucks for my weekends when I attempt to make up sleep and find myself waking up at 4 in the afternoon.
here are a few things I've discovered:
- neither warm milk, exhausting myself during the day, melatonin pills, clonazepam (which is an anti anxiety pill, though it does help during the day), zolpidem(sleeping pills), valerian (which is this nasty herb stuff, blech its worse than vinegar) or any of the other number of solutions I've tried has helped.
- alcohol on the other hand does help but im not going down that road, drinking myself to sleep. no thank you.
- every morning at 4:40 the sprinklers outside go off at my house and they weird me out because they sound like the sound lobsters make when they're being steamed to death.
- every monday morning the garage truck comes to my apartment and makes so much freaking noise it sounds like theyre bulldosing a building.
- my upstairs neighbors have sex quite regularly at around 4am... kind of odd.
- I'm sick and tired of missing classes I actually want to go to for no better reason than I slept through them. its so fucking annoying.
- I'm tired of coming across as a bad student until I tell teachers/ta's about my insomnia and that I feel like I have to tell them way too much about myself in order for them to be ok with the fact that I do try
- im tired of being mad at myself when I realized I've slept through another class
- i'm tired of not sleeping on the nights before big exams or presentations because when I finally feel like i'll be ready to go to go to sleep i freak out because I think I'm sleep through it.
Art 7A - of course, it just feels weird not mentioning it in a post French 3 5units - I love the French Language and the reason I'm taking it it because of the ~6 months I was going to be a Global studies double major. but I've changed to English as my double so its really kind of useless at this point. But its going fine, I made it so I'm taking it pass/no pass this quarter, but its still a lot of work. As much as I love languages and wish I was multiligual, they really just are not my thing :/ But I'm ok with the fact that I'll probably only ever be able to ask directions in french and spanish and speak like a 2-3 year old.
Art History 120 AA-ZZ 4 units - this is one of the UD Art History classes I need forthe Art Major and it was one of those "Special Topics" classes that you don't know what they are going to be until the first day. Luckily for me it ended up being one of the coolest themed classes ever "Visual Culture of the 1960's". I mean come on how cool is that? It's really more of a history of culture class, but it is really interesting. Most of our grades are determined by this group final project which i'm kind of worried about because I've never had a group project count for so much of my grade. My section of the project is on social commentary in 1960's television
English 10 4 units- In case you don't know this is the most basic English class at UCSB. It is a substitute for Writing 50 and is also a prereq for the English major. It's only the second English class I've taken but I love it (I took Eng 15 aka Shakespeare in the Fall). We've reading lots and lots of poetry and about 15 "short" stories and Ethan Frome so far and we're still going to readAs I Lay Dying and Hamlet(which will be the 3rd time for me). This is definitely the easiest class for me this quarter, though its a lot of reading. Im expecting to get an A and I'll have to really slack not to.
English 10 Honors section 1 unit - For this we're only reading one book throughout the course of the quarter Cane by Jean Tomer, but we're going super deep into it. Its a Harlem Renaissance book that has lots of depressing and slavery-related things in it. There's only eight people including the professor in the class which is kind of cool, but a couple of those girls, jeez its like dang, how do you know all of these word origins off the top of your head. Although its my last class of the week and always kind of makes me depressed, I really like that I'm able to get to know my professor. It's only my second honors section I've ever been in, my first was for Film 46 last year, but I definitely thing I'll do more.
Today's lecture was on playing with perspective, which was really interesting. I thought what we found out about John Watterson of Calvin and Hobbes and how much he hated marketing in the comic world was really sad considering what the most popular Calvin and Hobbes merchandise is these days, those beyond tacky bumper stickers of Calvin peeing on things. Thats so disappointing to hear, its like they thought, "hmm what makes this wonderful cartoon seem tacky?" "oh I know...". tisk tisk people. Always maintaining one's integrety is probably what I got most out of lecture today, not that I've ever been too tempted to break what I believe in, but considering I have considered going into advertising I definitely want to make sure I always maintain my own. My favorite artists of the day were Duane Michaels and John Watterson(I read Calvin and Hobbs a lot as a child but I never quite got his genius until today.
A couple of weeks ago I watched The Good Guy on Netflix, which ended up being a very different movie than I expected after seeing the trailer, but still good. It stars Alexis Bledel (a la Gilmore Girls), Scott Porter, Bryan Greenberg and Anna Chulmsky(aka the Girl from My Girl!) and even Meg from Little Women!(Whaaat?! I know!). I liked the change-up in narrative structure that starts and ends with the end. It ends up how you expect, it just doesn't exactly get there the way you expect, which I liked. The acting and probably the dialogue as well were the weakest elements of the movie, which is a pretty big warning sign but the story is there and it was made well so I wasn't too disappointed.I liked the cinematography quite a lot, there were a number of really cool shots that played with depth and focus and incorrperated some cool New York street elements. The cinematographer really liked this 180 degree swing around shot but he used it sparingly so it came off as cool and not redundant. Over all I'd probably give the movie a C+. Not bad, not amazing but in terms of the mise-en-scene and cinematography it was a solid B+. I also really liked the use of an unreliable narrator, it puts a lot of irony into the movie oh, and it has a good soundtrack
apparently today is Star Wars day which is so funny May the Forth...haha love ittt!!! I happen to be a Star Wars lover so I'm very sad that my Star Wars movies are at home.
For my free day today I'm going to share a few lists. I love lists, the best thing ever is crossing an item off a list.
Countries to Explore/Travel To - India - Italy - Ireland - Wales - Scotland - Australia - Germany - Argentina - Greece - Turkey - Israel - Egypt - China - Jamaica - Vatican City - Switzerland - Denmark
Visit - Victoria Falls - Great Wall of China - Tower of London - Taj Mahal - Leaning Tower of Piza - Grand Canyon
Do - Go to all of the Grand Slams - Go Suba diving, bungee-jumping, sky-diving, ziplining, base jumping, white water rafting, parasailing/paragliding - Ride a mechanical bull - Go on a cross country road trip - Take kick boxing classes - Take yoga classes
- Cirque Du Soileil Learn to - surf, snowboard - play the guitar - drive a stick-shift - knit and crochet
- Music Festivals: Coachella, Austin City Limits, Bonnaroo, Lalapalooza, Sasquatch, Ojai - Film Festivals: SXSW, SBIFF, Sundance Toronto, Tribeca
- Museums: Met(NYC), Smitsonian(NYC), Getty(NYC), The Guggenheim(NYC), National Gallery (DC), the Wallace Collection (London), Somerset House(London), LACMA, Norman Rockwell, MOMA(NYC), Uffizi(Florence) - Read Complete Works of: Shakespeare, Austen, Kerouac, Sedaris, Klosterman, the Bronte Sisters -The Stranger -The Jungle -Alice in Wonderland -The Wind in the Willows -Leaves of Grass -War and Peace
and alone he is, matchless but last of the casualties.
You think you hold the sun
you deem yourself the breeze
you little bird flying away from the trees
you assume you see what is inconceivable to all
but in reality its you that escapes
the truth you‘ll run away,
hide veiled in the open space.
The breeze will be none but your own
until in time she severs your casual ties.
and the fish will assemble,
pay their respects,
sit at their pews
but will they remember you?
the drifting, floating, sinking,
little bird flittering in the quiescent abyss,
just another one of the casualties.
Just another casualty.
It's weirdto reflect on what inspired me to write this poem because what it started as and what it ended up being were two completely different things. I wrote a very rough draft of the first stanza a few months ago and when I saw it again last week I discovered it came across almost as me being envious towards the little bird(person, a boy at first) but then I realized that I wasn’t envious of the person at all and although the subject was well spoken and independent I also found him, arrogant and demeaning and out of touch with reality. So both my conscious and subcouncious selves redirected the poem to become a warning or sorts for someone out of touch with reality who wants to be the center of everything and won’t let anyone help them, who push people who love and care for them away when they need help. The new subject comes from my senior year or high school when a close friend attempted to commit suicide and the aftermath that included me and her other close friends and family being the only ones who knew of her attempt and how she acted in the succeeding months with reckless and attention-seaking ploys. She treated her friends terribly and kept pushing us away until we, for the most part, did. She hated that we knew her at her lowest and wanted to delete us from her life, which is what has essentially happened. These past experiences have helped shape this poem but not even I know truly where inspiration came from. I guess you could say this is one of the most personal things I've ever written because I don't know completely where it came from. I was kind of a combination of mad and sad while writing it, and I wanted to get across a feeling of unstable flight with how the poem picks up and slows down in terms of text. I think the message I most wanted to convey is if you pull away from others whether from insecurities or from thinking of yourself as superior to others, in the end will people remember or care when you’re gone? And that it's best to stay grounded(not necessarily entirely so but enough to make you a consciensious person) and invest in those around you and kind of a warning of what can happen if you don't.
p.s. the colored writing are links to what is alluded to.
