The End

is nigh.

Happy Summer!

i'll be home(here)...oh lordy

links!

Click on each topic for link to page:

~ pun

~ nexus

~ act of beauty/kindness

~ altered activity in public space

~ confession

~ sequence/narrative entries

~alternate persona

~personal space

personal space w/ Darcy

P is for Press review

before

"pinning" but not actually to the wall

her little corner!

awkward candid

On Friday I went to the Art 14 gallery exhibit for Winter and Spring quarters. My friend Amanda Hill (whose work I have) was in the class this quarter(I tried to get in but my schedule was too full, but am taking it this fall). I tell you I was like a kid in a candy store are that show, I kept on saying, "Im so Excited!!!" as in to do print. anyways back to the review...

I was awesome, I love that I had some knowledge of the assignments from Amanda and the fact that I went to the first class. The only reason I don't have pictures from the gallery besides Amanda's and a wide angle one where you cant distiguish one from another is because I have this weird thing about photographing student work(w/o their permission) that is in classes I plan to take...its weird I know but besides amanda's cool stuff, In the far back where all the letter blocks are was where the papermaking class had some of their stuff, one that was really cool was one that if you blew your warm breath on the paper, clouds outlines would emerge. Also I loved this girl who had a large print of a woman's face that turned into long hair. I loved that gallery. LOVE!

Personal Space Good vs. Evil

Today I helped Darcy out in her project and played the "angel" or "good influence" to her "devil"/"bad influence. I'm not just saying this because I was the good one but, psh I was gooood. The dollar that Darcy had set out in front of us the entire time stayed safely there thanks to me and my awesome goodness," my strategy when it came to the money was "karma" and "finals" those were the magic words, and it really worked. People would be so close but nope, i was just too good. It was kind of hard thinking of good advice so I would end up yelling compliments at random people. I kind of became a spokesperson for Jamba Juice, they seriously should have payed me. After about an hour and a half we wandered around and looked at some other projects while still in character though me sans the white bathrobe I was wearing because I was toast-eee. But Thursday was really fun and I'm glad I ended up getting to see other people's projects because I thought I wasn't going to, helping out Darcy and all but I'm really glad I did end up getting to see other people's projects. Thursday and Flash Mob day were definitely my favorite days in class this quarter because we actually got to bond. it was great. (oh and its depressing that we all bonded so late in the quarter, I'm going to miss this class)

Concerns/Fears revamped

(this is a hindu symbol that means basically coming full circle)

http://jennyuptobat.blogspot.com/2011/03/tuesday-concerns-and-fears.html

Well in terms of timing and the start time i was pretty on the spot, sorry about that.

I think I came into this class thinking it would be different than it was, I loved the class overall but I was very intimidated and in a couple of cases, the intimidation got the better of me and I changed to something more comfortable (narrative/sequence assignment comes to mind, I was so overwelmed with that project and I ended up having about 5 written spoken word pieces, and I just chose the poem I did because it was the most meaningful to me that wouldn't make me cry. I do think I came out of my shell by the end but more in terms of getting to know people, Presenting was still really really hard for me because of my anxiety and even with my medication I was hyperventalating a lot, so im glad i often went on Thursday bc of my last name because I could make little adjustments, I was always afraid I was going to do the project wrong. I've definitely grown in this class, and have definitely figured out that the 7 series is the weed-out classes bc they are so different. But I do think I will be able to "hang" with the major and this class definitely helped me in that so thank you :)

And Thank you Desiree you were great; helpful, kind, sarcastic(i love haha) and so much more. I really hope you get approved for next year!!

freewrite: french styyyle

I think from my confession project we've established im a tennis person and I love that i'm a tenis person )i dont love teaching large groups of unrulely children but hey...) I also love that people know that I'm a tennis person and when even the grand slams take place I alllwayysss get various question about rules, who my prospects to win are, etc.

The French Open has been going on these past and i just wanted to share some of a fb conversation I had with my friend...

friend

3:39pm

So I had a question? But how do the surfaces differ? Like clay, hard and grass? What makes a player better on one and not the other? Like why is Rafa unreal at the French, why does clay fit him so well and not Roger?

me

3:40pm

because hes an fing good slider for 1

friend

3:41pm

From what i've gathered, the hard courts would seem to favor the guys that can hit harder because it will be faster right?

me

3:42pm

clay= sliding, grass, you can slide but not as much, grass is cool bc it wears throughout the tournament and there get to be dead spots on the courts, pretty cool

hard is just the all around consistant, even though its not actually consistant bc humidity and temp and crap like that effect it

yeah, its the fastest

friend

3:45pm

Clay bounces higher right?

me

3:47pm

but its not really that people prefer hard because its faster, though some def do, but the clay and grass and csrpet courts have to be learned in a different way thats why the americans are screwed on everything else bc we dont have enough options in terms of court materials

yeah, thats why they get super fluffy

actually what am I thinking, grass is the quickest, bc its alive and have water which makes them slick

oh and back to nadal, clays good for him bc hes scrappy and runs for everything also his spin makes it really hard to return and his stance, though its going to f him over in the end is good for the bounce because its not consistant. thats why i'm not his biggest fan, bc for the way he plays is going to make him have a way short career then he will....

It goes on for like 20 minutes but I think you get the picture, I love talking tennis :)

my dad and I when I was I believe 13...dont exactly look different

Personal Lucky Space Pennies

The inspiration for my project initially came from my roommate Maddie who, whenever she finds a "lucky penny" she gets so excited, one time I was with her when she found 2 in a row and was simply ecstatic. Her love of this childish but hey, profitable, exhuberance over the idea of "luck" makes me smile and that is where I got inspiration for the penny portion of my project. The "confession" aspect is kind of inspired by this picture I saw online a few months ago that was an abandoned building with something like "I will____" written over and over where people filled it in. I almost did the project in the fill in the list style but I wanted the cards to be more personal. I think I really wanted to do this project because I have been thinking a lot lately about how "lucky" though i'd personally say fortunate or grateful I am. I have a mom who was diagonosed with breast cancer last october an although the worst is not over I have confidence she will be fine, also on another note, to help me express my feelings being away from her I use the 3x5 and 4x6 cards to express my own little doodles about how I feel. Also final inspiration would originate from when I complain anywhere near my father who always responds with "you're lucky Jenny, do you know how lucky you are?" which sounds sweet but its always in his passive aggressive tone so i always respond with a "yes dad" but without the guilt factor, I know I am lucky, not as much as some and way more than others and I was really interested to see what people would put. Also considering its finals time I thought It would be the perfect time, as a way to put things in perspective. Unfortunately, although I thought my spot would be a good spot, I mis-calculated and I didn't get much participation, besides the class, about 5. What I hated were the oh 5-8 odd people who stopped and asked about the project and said it was a good idea but they didn't participate. (though...just saying, it would have been way better if I was allowed to write with clack on the cement, I was really bummed, not going to lie. The worst part of my project was carrying all of my supplies to Storke alone, my arms just about died, My backpack weighed 18 lbs on its own plus I had a bajillion pennies, and extract crap plus a poster board, a piece of plywood and a metal magnetic board. When I got there, My hands were purple and they were shaking so bad I couldn't write for like 10 minutes. heck I'm still sore. All in all though I actually really liked my project, I just wish I had more participation.

Least Favorite Place

being "suck in the middle" yup. it sucks, its like wtf do you except me to do right now...oooo and especially when Im not at all to do with the situation, kind of specifically then.

ok actual placces...being lost

physically

emotionally

mentally

in a conversation

intellcetually...

sleepily (...)

Omg I remember now, the worst place to be ever!!! is on the greyhound bus between San Bernardino and my hometown(though I'm sure it gets waaay sketchier as Vegas gets closer) I went on it, actually from fullerton during spring break after I visited my BFF who goes there. It was just so horrible and depressing even though nothing actually happened to me(physically that is, emotionally it definitely did). the smell, combined with the torential downpour and crazy winds that shook the bus, my ipod was dead so i ended up pretending to listen(so no one would bother me) to probably 4, meth addicts(they said so out loud and everything) talk about their lives. One lady in particular was just so pathetic it was heartbreaking. I had never felt anything like that, I just wanted out. When i finally got to my stop, whiched ended up being over an hour longer because of weather conditions. I got to the car. got in, looked at my mom said, dont worry theres nothing wrong, but can I just cry? and I did, as I am now recounting it. it was really a put yourself in check experience. Im just so grateful to have people who love me enough that they would never allow me to get so low or be so unloved.

Favorite Place

hmm, thats an interesting question with really no real answer on my part, it really depends on who I'm with, how much stuff I have to do/worrying about. I love cities, exploring, going to museums and galleries and getting the feel of the place, esp ones with good public transit San Francisco, London, Paris have been my favorites I've been to so far the latter two have sooo much culture and architecture and charm and on and on. San Francisco has an amazing vibe, i love BART and exploring the different neighborhoods(my sister went to school/lived their for 5 years so i've been a fair amount of time. Theres also this park up on California that my sister and I would just go and swing, I like swings...

Alt. Persona Critique Day 2

I think my favorite alternate persona today was Andrew's animal rights activist. I like that he had the balls to stand in front of a store and be so outspoken especially as it isn't a cause he's for. The best part was going to the meat aisle and displaying his sign until he got kicked out, nice Andrew, niiiice. I'm not going to name names for my least favorite critique I'm just going to make a point. because i didn't know while there were actual good presentations I thought that the point of the assignment was to do something where you actually learned something not just play dress up. Though I also may have taken a too serious take on the assignment but all I know is I learned...a lot. I wanted to pay justice to real life victims so I researched as much as I could. Yes I didn't do showy "look at me" things but with my personal it would have been far too inappropriate. I'm not at all saying everyone should have been super serious, but I think there should have been at least a learning experience from each. There. I've ranted. But finishing up I really actually did think the majority of the overall projects were well thought out.

Alternate Persona

Name: Jenny, Age: 23 - In third year of recovery from left hemisphere stroke

My Experience:

Initial Diagnosis and Symptoms

• a stroke of the left hemisphere of the brain which controls motor function and affected the right side of my body. It was caused from an infection that spread to my heart after having a root canal 3 years ago.
• 
• “hemiplegia” which is complete paralysis of the right side of the body.
• short-term memory loss, and asphasia with the symptoms of trouble saying words and remembering numbers, telling time and knowing left from right.
  
  

Therapy since and Present Symptoms

• Legs: My first priority was learning how to walk again by teaching my brain to use my leg muscles, I went from wheelchair bound, to walking crutches, to full leg braces(yes like Forrest Gump) to where I am now with low-key ankle braces which help me keep my balance and help prevent foot spazams.
• Arm: has not been as successful. I have numbness my fingers and minimal movement and some feeling in my shoulder which basically means I can shrug. I can move my arm with my left and hold small things (about a pound or 2) against my chest, it’s basically like a tool that I opporate with my left hand. The doctors say I have approximately 5% use of my arm and hope that with continued therapy I might reach up to 25% in my lifetime
• Motor Skills and effects: my verbal skills are much improved(My speech now waivers between relatively normal and kind of like I can’t hear myself which happens when it becomes hard for me to swallow.) I still have some problems with word reqcognition and math in general, I have about the same amount of cognitive disability as someone with moderate dixlexia. I also often have trouble focusing and confusion occurs when short term memory loss occurs.
  
  

Name: Jenny Age:19 - trying to gain perspective

My Experience:

Why I chose this “persona”

• It is a very real threat that can happen to anyone.
• It is a change in one’s persona and way of life that can’t be taken off.
• I wanted to try to gain some perspective of someone I’ve known my entire life but have always been afraid to ask (my cousin’s husband, Mike who had a stroke at the age of 23 and had/has the same symptoms only his has taken 20 years of therapy to get to where he is.

Where I Got My Research:

• From my cousin Mike, a stroke victim himself, he explained basically everything from point A to B about his experience
• My mother and my cousin(Mike's wife): their memories from his event
• Internet research of the types, causes, symptoms, long and short term effects of strokes
• Videos documenting stroke rehabilitation

How I “became” someone living with the effects of a Stroke

• I used a mixture of tape and ace-wrap on my hand and wrist Friday and Saturday to achieve the stiff hand and fingers. On Sunday I switched to a wrist cuff covered by a fingerless glove.
• I also made a “brace" for my leg which made it difficult to bend my ankle
• I also made use of my knee brace that I use for my opposite leg to make walking even more constricted (Note: I did not use this element on my second day as the added stress on my left leg ending up causing a lot of pain for my other leg.)
• I also ate about 30 halls cough drops each day to make it more difficult to talk in my normal voice.
• I placed a weight around my left ankle to create unbalance (because muscle becomes uneven when paralysis occurs)
• I tied string to my arm and attached it around my waist so I was unable to raise my arm more than approximately 30 degree without the assistance of my left arm.

Challenges/Adjustments

Annoyances:

• Showering - not so fun anymore and I seem to always wash one side of my head more extensively than the other
• Tying shoes, the first show isn’t a huge problem because you can use your feet, the second...teeth were involved
• 
• Wallets/dealing with money: I only bought one thing during my 48 hours but the cashier was obviously annoyed
• Turning book pages

Simply a pain in the ass:

• Typing on the computer
• Opening jars
• 
  
• Sweeping
• Washing dishes
• texting
• buttoning pants
• Finding the opening of those produce bags as the grocery store
• Doing anything at a grocery store
• Knives
• 
• 
• 
  
  
  

Things I could not figure out:

• Ponytails.
• Bras.
• Can Openers.
• 
  
  
• ponytail!
  

Physical/Emotional Reactions:

Emotional

• The "is it offessive?" question: I had a lot of trouble with this one myself and almost didn't do it because of it I had a number of serious talks with my mom but when I finally bucked up the courage to call my cousin and ask and he gave me his permission I was ok...
• until the night of my first day when I called my mom sobbing about how unfair life is to some people...

Physical

• After the 48 hours were up, it felt extremely strange using my arm again
• numbness in right hand: Which was actually my plan from the wrist brace I wore but I quickly learned that after about an hour my hand was purple so I would loosen brace and put my hand in a vertical position to make blood flow better. Aside from sleeping it was the only time I intentionally broke character

What I'v realized:

• That I have had at some point in my life similar symptoms as to the one's I took on, but having them all together, for life, takes so much strength.
• The amount of time that you have to give up is really shocking, I made dinner the first night, just pasta and vegetables, it normally takes me about 30 minutes but instead it literally took over 2 hours.
• We can adjust, although it started with a lot of slip ups in the arm category, as the time went on I got used to it and even now I randomly feel guilty when I use my right arm.
• If it would have been my non-dominant hand it would have been a whoooole different story, I can't even imagine, I was clumsy enough as it was with my dominant hand.
• It really has humbled me. I'm really grateful for a body that works.

The Social Networking of today

Reflect critically on the theme of alternate identity and personal space in an age of social networking profiles, digital environments, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc

Interesting topic, its very easy to be a different person on "social networking" sites, i think probably judge my facebook friends most on how they present their profile pictures.

There's the:

• camera in the Mirror shot showing off their alluring allure.
• the heavy make up and lots of hair and boobs/ lots of muscles for guys
• theres the ones that are allllways group shots so if you are trying to find your long lost friend from elementry school, it makes things difficult
• theres the modeled, photoshop effected ones
• the looking away from the camera one
• the ones that aren't pictures of even humans...like video game people and such
• there are the ones that change theyre pictures multiple times each week
• the look at me im somewhere cool/im well traveled ones
• the bf/gf kissing ones, yup we get it, youre together...your relationship status/ you have told me so, dont have to show me your whole relationship though...
• the look i have a red cup in my hand and im at a party, im awesome one
• the pre-going out posed pictures
• etc etc etc

i've been a victim of a number of these, its interesting though to think of the opinions people get of you in just seconds based on photos.

not free yet, not evennn close.

Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.Shit.

this is going to be the worst weekend/next week ever. seriously. and If i wasn't freaked out about my workload already I just made it a shit ton worse today. fuck.

ok ill give you a little taster of "dead" week for me (which i get why they call it that because I will literally be deceased by if not its end then by the following wednesday.

friday: arthistory meet up, Boxing, Duke 4pm. (do all that shit for next week)

saturday: art history reading/2pg assignment due (do all that shit for next week), polynesian dance performance at 7 for review and for my friend, need to have my slides prepared for

sunday (do all that shit for next week), read the fall of the house of usher a million times

monday: 7pg english research paper due at midnight

tuesday aka the day from hell, literally. personal space presentation, art history group project presentation, French Oral final(yay, speaking french is only the worst think I do in french, well that and understanding when people fluent in french test me in their super fast talk. and considering the due date for my essay the night before. My second passtime...yay...great timing.

wednesday: 2 english thesis statement paragraphs due on our reading, english paper peer review, english final review, french final review

thursday: help Darcy with her personal space project which I was thinking afterwards sucks because I don't get to see anyone's projects :( why did i switch that person why?, have to read my research paper out loud to my teacher and the smartest f-ing english students ever in honors section

friday: study ass off for french final

saturday: french final, while I simultaneously miss the french final (french open women's final)

sunday:

monday: 6 pager due at 5

tuesday

wednesday

Alt. Persona Critique Day 1

I really enjoyed the alternated persona's today because of the diversity of the subject matter,

I think my favorite was Andrea's time as a fraternity brother. Even though it was a pretty standard idea I really liked her documentation of her experience and the dialogue she included with her fellow frat brothers. I liked that she learned a number of different games from the "brothers" and got some really good dialogue from life on the inside. She dressed the part, spoke the part and even learned the mighty ways of the game of volleyball(though I'm, sure if she weren't a girl they would not have helped her. I've been to many frat parties, with many of the same games that Andrea demonstrated, but I'm glad I got to see a frat from a different side(even if still a pretty skewed side) though I feel like I would be pro at that hammer game b/c I do similar things all the time with my tennis racket.

My least favorite would probably be either Katie's, Erika or Edwardo's; Katie's because it didn;t seem like she did much more than wear a vest, Erika's because it has basically been done before(and better) and Edwardo's because he didn't apply his persona to real life in his presentation. but really they were all very good. I can't wait to see the rest!

the play's the thing in which the review is based

This past Sunday I went to the UCSB's theatre department's rendition of Hamlet which was directed by Irwin Appel and Starring Merlin(blahdyblah) as Hamlet While I have read Hamlet five times and seen around the same amount of film interpretations of it I have never seen a live performance and while it was obviously amateur, but it was still well don't and I enjoyed it quite a lot.

I thought Hamlet (Merlin bladyblah) did a very good job at conveying just the right balance of intrigue, madness with comedy, heart wrenching pain and somber intellect. I was also fond of Laretes performance which begins as humorous yet intelligent and honorable, and returns to the following the death of his family scenes' with a quest that seemed of justice more than revenge and in search of the truths that not even the audience or necessarily the characters themselves know, the "who's", "why's" and "if's" of the situation. (The Actor)'s Larete's is passionate and quick tempered but loving and loyal to the truth. (blah) as Ophelia does a fine job but I feel she didn't convey strongly enough that her affections for Hamlet were deep, she was a little too compliant for my liking although she stepped up her game in her scene of madness (although I feel it was at times a little too reminiscent of Kate Winslet's Ophelia in Branagh's Film adaptation). A few performances that, in my opinion, didn't quite come across as they should were Polonius, who I thought acted the roll too likable, in a way that didn't give enough light to the fact that he is extremely conniving and impervious to others' feelings, also Claudius and Gertrude disappointed for opposite reasons, I found Claudius to be a little like a pussy, like ooo I'm afraid of scary Hamlet and ooo I have so much remorse. Gertrude on the other hand was too callous, she never really conveyed the amount she actually loved Hamlet (and Hammy Sr.) I found it refreshing to see the roles of Horatio and Guildenstern portrayed as females and I thought it worked.

The set and props were about as minimalist as you can get with the stage and auditorium's aisle being the main source of movement in time and actions. With a transparent screen used as separation between rooms. The most interesting piece of set equipment was a "ladder" that I’ve only ever seen back stage, which made the final death scene and the dance of the players within the play very dramatic. Speaking of, the play with in the play was a very modern and well-done part in which black clothed individuals with gold masks sang and did a modern choreographed dance that was very eye-catching.

Costumes were done fairly well though some outfits did not belong to the same era in fashion but for the most part they we're late 19th century gothic inspired (cough, like Branch, which I don't mind I mean I think it's the perfect time for this play to be based, its definitely got gothic written all over it). One aspect I found peculiar was the music, which was an original score to the production but was really inconsistent and odd. All and all though the play was very well done, though I do feel like some of the character depth was lost because the actors didn't want to or just didn't commit themselves to the unappealing aspects of some of their characters.

final. lecture.

I was not impressed with how I did on the final. I studied, I swear, an quite a lot I just had trouble remembering though in reality I'm a terrible test taker, my brain does a little freak out dane in my head and poof I can't remember or over think. Also although I do like noise in tests, having the section presentations at the same time made it really hard for me to think and pay attention to the test while wanting to see the . I also wish we would have had more time with the slides, looking at an image for only 15 seconds is tough. But oh well, I can't change anything now. I thought my name for Anne Noggle was interesting, I knew it was a short A first name and thatthe last name was odd and it had a G. Now that I'm going through my notes I realize that I'm missing a week of notes which I now faguly remember forgetting my art notebook one week, but not transferring the notes into my notebook. But again, oh well.

I definitely think our presentation got the best reaction, lots of people laughed. I liked the section that followed people around mimicking other people's actions. I do wish we did the non-art object into art object thing, but the group random item sales pitch was fun too.

Entry as Alt Persona

Hi I'm Jenny, and I'm a returning student here at UCSB, well kind of new, I took 3 years off because back In 2011 I had a stroke that occured after I got an infection when I got my wisdom teeth out that spread to my heart. My stroke effected the left hemispere of my brain which effected the right side of my body, thankfully I'm left-handed so I didn't have to learn to write with a different handI have had A LOT of therapy since in which I have to undergo speech therapy, and extensive rehabilitation on the right side of my body more specifically my leg and my arm. After learning how to opporate the muscles in my right leg again I can now walk quite well, I still have a brace for my ankle stability and to prevent it from seizing up, I have a little bit of a limp but It's dealible. My arm on the other hand has not had as good of results. At this point in time I have mimimal feeling in my fingers and some in my shoulder, I call my arm more of a helping tool than an arm but my doctors are hoping that I will eventually get about 20-25% of my arm function back which is much better than the ~5% i have now. Life since my stroke has changed quite significantly, things are much slower than the once were (like typing, one hand definitely takes a lot longer. I think what I miss most about my old life is playing sports competively, I used to play tennis, i do somewhat now, i just miss serving, that was my best shot...

Well best be going, Homework to do!

Jenny

Alternate Identity Prep: artist

If I could be any artist I would be...umm Regine Chassagne frontwoman of Arcade Fire...sure we'll go with that because...

• she has a really cool background, born in Haiti, lives in Montreal, speaks French
• she's married to the band's frontman Win Butler, who I love love love, love
• Arcade Fire is an A-MAZ-ING band (Album-wise my favs are Funeral then The Suburbs then Neon Bible)
• She is successful and talented but not really "famous", you know she's rich and has won Grammys but could be any other person on the street and acts like it.
• she actually went to college
• she plays like every freaking instrument ever!

Well here are some of my favorite/ regine vocaled songs of Arcade Fire

Milly Villany

Hmm supervillian thats a toughy I would be... Lando Calrissian for those like 5 minutes you don't like him in The Empire Strikes Back. heh heh heh thats a total cop-out route i know but I love Lando, he's freaking legit! Ok superhero superhero it'd probably be Magneto because he's really smart and still friends with Professor X... and is even said when Jean kills him :( poor Prof X and he's played my Sir Ian Mckellen (baller) and wears a super fancy helmet. But actually I might prefer to be Lando more than Obi (see previous post) because he is also way super b.a. and hes allowed to love and doesn't end up having a ton of baggage like frying his bff

da Da DA!!! Super Size Me

If I could be any superhero i would beeee.... Ok to change up the prompt a little i'm going to say if i could be a people with super powers who would it be...and that would be, Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Yup how cool would it be to be a witch with a super cute boyfriend who's totes down with the magic and even though you have to live with your Aunts because if you see your mortal mom she'll turn into a ball of wax, your aunts are super cool. and theres "the other realm" and you can mess with your arch enemy Libby (who was on bones this week!). Annnddddd your cat can talk to you and is super awesome...yep. sounds about right.

Now if we're just sticking to superheroes i'd be... ohh wait do Jedi's count as superheroes? because if they do I'd definitely be Obi Wan Kenobi for obvious reasons, because he's freaking b.a.

if not I'll go with Iron Man or something because he is f-ing rich and his identity isn't a secret.